Under the wings of the dragon.

I thought I would tell a little personal story about my life today, why not. As I lay in bed the other night, I couldn’t sleep.. my mind was wondering to places as if often does…. to the man or boy I was years ago, reflecting on my time under the warm wings of the dragon.

Let me explain.

Once upon a time I was 18, a small kid from a small town… part of a broken family experience that left me somewhat on my own at that age. Not homeless, but maybe somewhat homeless in my mind… feeling trapped… feeling like I had no options or help.. feeling like I knew I would have to fight for every inch of what I hoped someday to achieve. I was dating a girl in high school… I loved her I suppose, even though now I realize I had no idea what love was at that time. Who does.

(Stay with me… I promise there’s a message in all this.)

One day her father offered us a little house on a dead end street in the country, if we were to get married of course… at the time it seemed like a good idea, or maybe it was the best idea at the time. I knew that it didn’t really seem right or feel right, but without a real place to live and with a billion things stacked between me and any possible dream a bright eyed hopeless kid could achieve in that little mill town… well.. it couldn’t hurt, right? I started taking opera lessons around that time, playing in several bands in New England as well.. starting from square one… studying music and training my voice… I was late in life on the dream chaser side of things. The “Wings of the Dragon” might sound dramatic as a title for this post, but I use the words here as a metaphor… I was offered something that I knew in my heart wasn’t right to accept… something I didn’t really want or build with my own hands… but I took the offer anyway. I left 2 years later... running for my life.

Had I stayed I suppose by now that little home on that little New England countryside would have been mine.. a perfectly good dream for most… perhaps the numb would have set in and I would have long forgotten my own dreams and ambitions. And that grass I didn’t care to mow would have kept me somewhat busy enough to forget who I was or what I dreamt to be.. and that life I never really wanted in the first place would have been all mine. That’s an interesting thought… don’t you think.

I was an anomaly, maybe one out of two hundred or so, who left that small town for the bright lights and big city.. a young punk chasing dreams down at whatever the costs.

So what’s the point of this tale john?

What the dragon doesn’t tell you, is that there is a price for that safety and that warmth. And the price is you to the core my friend. Without going into boring details… I learned rather quickly that nothing is free in life. And that that offer to seek shelter from the storm of my life came at a cost. A cost for me that outweighed the warmth and safety of the choice and shelter it provided.

I suppose I could have been happy in time… nestled in that generous offer.. that little house on the prairie that someone else built.. on that dead end road.. It was seemingly warm under the wings of that dragon, an easy bet, complete with the picket fence… that pretty picture of life we are all fed relentlessly in commercial form…. A protection from what lies out there… the scary world of the unknown… of unpopular choices... just a left or a right off that dead end street.. without a hand to hold or shoulder to cry on or net to catch your fall.. wandering out there in the bitter cold alone. You see.. I knew that shelter wasn’t for me then and that venturing out into the storm, as scary as it seemed, was my only option. I didn’t know it at first... but then again my options were very limited very young. Fear is a powerful thing.. it stands in our way like a stop sign at the crossroads. But I’m happy to report, and take this from a man who went into the storm, who ran some red lights and several stop signs, literally... traveling the country and world at one time.. throwing caution to the wind when asked.. and who ultimately returned now and then.. that it isn’t all bitter cold out there for a dream catcher.. and that the storm has clearings that are quite beautiful along the way… with many other roads... it’s also not for everyone… and that’s ok too.

Anyway.. just thought I would share a real story from my life. Maybe you can relate and maybe it might resonate at some level with things you might face in life. There’s no right or wrong answer here folks.. there’s only what you can tolerate and compromise with.. when you look in that pretty mirror hanging in your room, and look deeply at the only real person that will matter in the end. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you don’t have a choice... or.... go buy a nice lawn mower. I do love the smell of fresh cut grass.

Good luck.

Thanks for reading.

-j

The caged moth, the win and the art of the Actor

A little Friday update on some Hadder doings and ponderings.

Little Hadder Things first: To start, I’ve been a little sidetracked this week… really these first few weeks of the new year. I’m a little behind on emails as well, perhaps later today I can sit with that sort of stuff. Those little messages are very important to me. As far as splitting time goes... It didn’t help that “Yellowstone Season 4’ came out recently… The games also have me quite entertained and pleasantly distracted as I’ve mentioned… I forget how much I enjoy them each year… and as we approach the finals and the last few competitors, me and Ezra are shivering in our seats and glued to the spectacle as it’s unfolding. I so love the thrill of competition. I can relate to it. It reminds me of something I heard recently… and I’ll share… It was on the topic of success and failure; “you have to work harder and longer than your competition” … to put yourself in the best position to win... So what is “winning? Well… winning is about chasing your dream down and reaching it.. moving forward… succeeding… it’s about an idea and a goal, and being relentless in its pursuit… to the point it might borderline on insane to some people… when really, it’s just about doing the work longer and harder and putting yourself in a position to win at all costs. BTW That doesn’t mean you will….win… ha, but so is life. Results vary and failures are inevitable. It’s ok to just stop running too or to change direction… if that’s what you decide. I think the games give me perspective and so I honor them and take what I can from them during this time of year. It’s like a water break on the race… I’m exhausted but I can see all my competitors and I can afford a little sip right now. Am I working hard enough to succeed… to win, so to say… I wonder about this. It’s a moth that never leaves the cage. Are you? At your own dreams and pursuits in life? Think about it… but don’t lose sleep over it. Each second of every day is a chance to turn it all around… you can sleep on that instead. It's a little less of the pondering pill to swallow.

New Music: Still working on the music side of "Long is the Road". Nothing to post yet, I have a mix I’ve been listening to and I considered putting a little video together and sharing it, but I think I’m going to hold back just a little longer. Unlike some songs where I just let them run free…. I’m a little more conscious on this one, wanting to keep it super focused and vocally driven. It’s a shorter song… I think in the 4-minute range and because of that I’m working a little extra hard on the chorus and the structure of the track. No hurry, just marching along these fateful days in January 2022. I anticipate a little clearing in the coming weeks.

I did however share a little video/audio clip from a song called “Child of the Sun” that was in process sometime around the creative timeline of “Evermore” and “Master of illusion”, I always envisioned it being on this first record… but I put it on a shelf for a later time when I started the TOR record. Not sure when this track is coming out… as I have some work to do on it still.. but enjoy a little piece of the last ‘listening” mix I did before I put it down to rest on one of my dusty shelves.

Website and Novel: Perhaps you’ve noticed. The field notes page has been updated with a new design. In the coming weeks I’ll be adding “Audio Narrations” performed by me and accompanied by some delightful background soundscapes. I’ll post news updates as they each get released. “The Coin Book” is next on the field note list and some of it was already sketched out during my morning tea time, soon, maybe next week I’ll release it… the redesign of the field notes page took about a week, so it slowed some of the new creative writing… but I’ve turned that page now… so back to Zabble, Skylark and Mattix. It’s fun creating something from nothing, you should try it.

The Stargazer Crew: I begin tracking the “Headless Cross” and “Rainbow in the Dark” covers this week. Now this should be a lot of fun. I ran three cameras during the drum tracking sessions. So I have some great behind the scenes footage… I’ll spill it out over the next few weeks as we get closer to completing the tracks. Doug Weiand is working on the final guitar tracks and Rob Black, the engineer for the project and the owner of Light Black studios in LA is doing the bass guitar work. It should come together fairly quickly. I’ll post updates along the way.

New Music Video: I may shoot a new music video for “Hell Fall”. Lord Ramsey and Johnny Heinz are both on board to date, talks are ongoing and it’s just a matter of saying “yes”, solidifying a drummer for the video and booking a day to film. I’m rattling the cage on it… we’ll see how all the other work pans out in the next week or so. I have an idea for a video that’s been haunting my brain of late. Perhaps it’s time to act on it.

-j

Video: Some random video clips to "Child of the Sun", the lost Hadder track.

Lord Caruso and the Headless Cross

Good morning. A little Headless update on a busy weekend of filming and... oh.... I so love the games.

The Stargazer Crew and Mr Black: Saturday was a drum tracking day for “Headless Cross” and “Rainbow in the Dark”. Scratch tracks of guitars and Bass were done a few weeks ago and it was just a matter of setting up the drum kit and running through some takes with Joey Mancaruso. A rather eventful Saturday in Los Angeles. It was a rainy wildcard weekend afternoon in the old Land of Gardens… the old TOR home front… I hung around and filmed some drum takes and did a little photoshoot to commemorate the event. Just a gatherer of footage for the time being.. luckily I was still able to watch the games while we worked. Being from new England, lets just say I was happy I woke up Sunday morning in sunny California, far away from the snow and gloom of the Buffalo Beat Down. My heart is in Tampa these days anyway, at least an old part of it. I find the games are a nice distraction this time of year. Well, now that the drums tracks are done for these two cover songs, I have some rough mixes with guitar and bass scratch tracks which are good enough for now to get me started on the Vocal tracking over the next few weeks. I'll be doing that myself in my studio in LA... while I film that process as well.. No hurry, it shouldn't take long... all the hard stuff was done by Ronnie and Tony, I'm just singing. It’s a few more wobbly plates on the stack, but this stuff is a lot of fun to balance. Between this project and the games I really was sidetracked from the Hadder music for a few days, but I’m back at it now searching for the thread through Long is the Road… during a little break Saturday afternoon while doing some vocal exercises in the rain... I may have stumbled upon a little vocal harmony puzzle piece for the chorus of LITR... I'll take it... we'll see... spring is coming… a lot of things are twisting and turning inside my head. Should be an interesting next 2 months. That’s all for now… here is some video from drum tracking day. I have a lot of cool footage from the day. I'll release more in the coming weeks. For now just a little short preview of Mr Black at the helm, Lord Caruso rocking and some Hadder ghosts wandering around the place.

-j

Video: Some video clips from the Headless Cross Cover song drum tracking session in Los Angeles, January 15 2022.